Honest conversations, tools, and support around LGBTIQA+ intimate partner and family violence

We Need to Talk About Queer Abuse

We Need to Talk About Queer Intimate Partner Abuse & Family Violence

Support for Queer People Who Don’t See Themselves in Traditional DV Services

You might not see your experience reflected in the usual definitions.
Maybe the person who hurt you shares your gender, your politics, or your trauma.
Maybe they’re someone the community trusts. Maybe you trusted them too.

You might have stayed quiet because speaking felt dangerous, or because you were tired of having to explain yourself before anyone really listened.

Maybe you’ve spent years reading resources that weren’t written with you in mind.
Resources that assumed your body, your relationship, your family, your culture, your safety all look a certain way.

Perhaps you’ve been wondering what it would feel like to read something and finally think:
This gets it. This feels true. This was made for me.

We hope you feel more seen, heard, and supported here at PTC.

We Recognise the Gendered Reality of Domestic and Family Violence

We want to be absolutely clear: domestic and family violence is, and has always been, a deeply gendered issue.

The overwhelming majority of reported violence is perpetrated by men against women. This is backed by decades of research, survivor testimony, front-line experience, and lived reality. Any conversation about domestic violence that ignores this is incomplete.

We do not dispute this. We do not minimise it. We are not here to water it down.

At the same time, we know that violence also shows up in relationships that fall outside that frame. It happens in queer, trans, non-binary, polyamorous, and chosen family contexts. It happens in relationships where gender roles are complicated, non-traditional, or shared. It happens in ways that aren’t easily categorised, but still leave people unsafe, silenced, or alone.

This isn’t about “all sides.” It’s about naming the full spectrum of harm.

Our work here focuses specifically on the places where dominant narratives fall short; where survivors don’t see themselves reflected in services or campaigns, and where harm is easier to ignore because it doesn’t look like what people expect.

We hold space for complexity. But we do so with deep respect for the feminist movements that brought domestic and family violence into public view. Our work would not exist without them.

Support for Queer Survivors of Intimate Partner and Family Violence

We support queer people who have lived through harm—whether or not you name it as violence.

You might have been silenced in your relationship. Pushed out of your home. Erased in your family. Isolated in your community.
You might still be unsure if what happened “counts.”
You might love the person who hurt you. You might still be living with them.

We won’t rush you to leave. We won’t demand your story in exchange for support. We won’t ask you to prove anything.

We’re here to honour your experience, help you make sense of what’s happened, and walk with you as you decide what safety, healing, or justice looks like, always on your own terms.

Support for Queer People Who Have Used Harm (and Want to Change)

We work with queer people who want to look honestly at the harm they’ve caused, and now want to do something different.

You might feel confused, defensive, ashamed, or scared of what you’ve done.
You might not be sure where the line is.
You might know exactly what happened and still be struggling to carry it.

We don’t do blame and banishment. But we also won’t collude with silence or avoidance.

We support people to take responsibility in real, embodied ways, not through guilt or performance, but through reflection, repair, and a commitment to becoming safer in relationship.

We hold space for change. But only when it’s rooted in truth, accountability, and ongoing action.

Support for People Who’ve Survived Harm, and Also Caused It

Some people carry both experiences. We see you.

You may have lived through violence - at home, in community, in past relationships - and still found yourself using control, manipulation, or fear to protect your own pain.
You may have survived unimaginable things and later caused harm in ways you never wanted to repeat.

You’re not the only one.

Queer lives are shaped by complex power dynamics. Shared trauma. Shared marginalisation. Community silence. Systems that rarely make space for contradiction.

But holding multiple truths doesn't mean avoiding accountability.

We support people to face both. To name what was done to them, and what they’ve done.
o stop replicating harm without erasing their own survival.
o take responsibility without disappearing into shame.

You are not beyond repair. You are not your worst moment.
And you are not excused from doing the work.

We’re here to help you stay in that complexity; with honesty, accountability, and care.

About PTC

We’re a queer-led, community-rooted collective working at the intersection of trauma, accountability, and care.

We support people navigating the full complexity of queer intimate partner and family violence; including survivors, those who’ve used harm, and those who’ve lived both.

Progressive Therapeutic Collective was founded by Sarah Newbold, a queer therapist, clinical supervisor, and long-time advocate for trauma-informed, survivor-centred practice.

We’ve been doing this work quietly for a long time.

Often behind the scenes. Often in the mess. Supporting survivors who weren’t believed. Practitioners trying to do better. People holding both harm and hurt.

This work is never simple. We don’t offer easy answers. But we stay in the room. With care. With rigour. With respect for the complexity of it all.

We’re proudly independent, and always will be.

We don’t take government funding. That’s intentional.

Remaining independent means we don’t have to compromise on truth. It means we can name harm, even when it comes from within the systems, services, or sectors that are supposed to help. It means we answer to our values, not to funders.

We exist because too many services went quiet. Too many softened their language to stay safe in the system.

We’re not here to make institutions or governments comfortable.

We’re here for the people those systems overlooked.

If you’re looking for survivor-led, community-held, justice-minded support; we hope you’ve found your place.

Resources

Free Resources You Can Use Today

We’ve created practical, inclusive, and community-informed resources you can download, share, or keep to yourself.

  • The Queer Coercive Control Checklist

  • “Is This Abuse?” Self-Reflection Guide

  • LGBTIQA+ Safety Planning Guide

  • Inclusive Language for Practitioners

  • Supporting a Friend Who Might Be Using Harm

  • When Therapists Cross the Line: Power in Healing Relationships

All resources are free, printable, and created with care.

What If I’ve Hurt Someone?

You are still welcome here.

We believe accountability is possible.
We believe in holding people without excusing harm.
We believe you don’t have to disappear to change.

If you’re wondering whether you’ve crossed a line - or know you have - we offer tools, questions, and pathways for reflection and repair.

You don’t need to spiral into shame.
You need a place to begin.

  • “Am I Using Coercive Control?” Checklist

  • Community reflections on queer accountability

  • Tips on making repair without centring yourself

We Don’t Work for the System. We Work for Our Community.

We are not funded by the government.
We’re here to speak the truth.
To advocate loudly.
To keep survivor voices at the centre, especially the ones that get erased.

Too many services are quiet to keep their funding.
Too many abusers have found employment in the very spaces meant to hold us.

We’re not doing that here.

For Practitioners Who Want to Do Better

If you work with queer people - in health, mental health, social work, education, housing, or anywhere in between - you will come across LGBTIQA+ intimate partner and family violence.

And we want you to be ready.

  • 10 things mainstream services get wrong about queer DV

  • How to make your service safer without rainbow-washing

  • The role of community accountability in healing

  • Our training and consultation options for orgs who actually want to change

You don’t need to be perfect.
But you do need to be informed.

Need Immediate Support?

We’re not a crisis line, but we are a safe place to land.

If you’re in immediate danger or need urgent help, contact:

  • Rainbow DV Helpline (24/7): 1800 497 212

  • 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

  • QLife (3pm–midnight): 1800 184 527

  • In an emergency, please call 000.